How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

Many couples reach a point in their lives together where they’re looking to recapture some of the passion they felt in earlier days. Let’s face it - over time, old habits can take over from creativity and familiarity trumps excitement. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way! If you feel stuck in a familiar rut and you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, there are so many things you can do to get that spark back!

7 tips on how to spice things up in the bedroom

These are seven steps to help you explore how to spice things up in the bedroom and discover fresh passion. 

  1. Talk about it
  2. Brainstorm a bucket list
  3. Take on a challenge
  4. Get out of the bedroom
  5. Mix up initiation
  6. Work on emotional intimacy
  7. Build anticipation

Okay, let’s dive in:

#1 - Talk about it

If you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, the first thing to do is talk to your partner about it! This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised by how many people bottle up their desires or concerns about their sex life instead of being honest.

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple talking by the window and looking intensely at each other

When you approach this topic, make sure you emphasize that you’re still attracted to your partner, you love sleeping with them, and no one is doing anything wrong. The last thing you want is to ignite some insecurity! Instead, frame the conversation about how to spice things up in the bedroom as a fun challenge for both of you to explore together. 

#2 - Brainstorm a bucket list

A great starting point in how to spice things up in the bedroom is to write a bedroom ‘bucket list’ with your partner. At the beginning of a relationship, all of the excitement of being together usually means that new ideas and spontaneous passion flow easily. But the longer that you’re together, the easier it can be to get into a rut.

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple sharing a conversation and eating popcorn

One way to break out of this is to think about things you haven’t tried yet that might intrigue you both, and to brainstorm these into a list. If you think this might be boring or awkward, think again! Talking about the experiences you’d like to have together (or ones you’d like to repeat!) not only will help you spice things up in the bedroom going forward, but could end up being a great way to get into the mood then and there.

#3 - Take on a challenge

Working your way down a sex bucket list is one thing (and you should definitely try it!) but sometimes our creativity fails us and we need some fresh ideas. That’s where The Adventure Challenge “...In Bed comes in. 

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple blind folded and about to paint

This isn’t some kind of catalog of positions to try. Instead, it’s an incredible resource of 50 different challenges, all designed with sex experts to build up your connecting with your partner. If you want to break out of old habits to try something new and exciting - and have a whole lot of fun while you do it - try picking a challenge from this book!

#4 - Get out of the bedroom 

A tried-and-true idea for how to spice things up in the bedroom …is to get out of it! Switching up the environment is going to help you get out of your routines and into a more experimental frame of mind. Not only does a familiar environment make it easier to go into auto-pilot, but home can be distracting. You’re surrounded by responsibilities and reminders of your to-do list. 

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple sharing laughs while on the floor in the shower

That’s why getting out of the bedroom can help to spice things up. Whether that’s booking a hotel, where you don’t have to worry about things like errands or chores, or somewhere else entirely, talk to your partner about new environments to explore intimacy together.

#5 - Mix up initiation

You probably have a pretty established dynamic when it comes to intimacy with your partner - the same whens, wheres, and whats. Many couples find that in their dynamic, someone tends to be more of an initiator and the other is more often a responder. This can work really well, but if it never changes then it can make the initiator start to question their partner’s desire for them, and the responder can end up losing touch with their own wants, needs, and ideas.

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Woman unbuttoning the man's shirt

 If this sounds familiar - if one of you is always initiating and your interactions follow a predictable pattern - discuss how you can mix this up when you’re talking about how to spice things up in the bedroom. Let someone else take the lead - and if you normally wait for your partner to have an idea or make the first move, make an effort to turn that around and surprise them!

#6 - Work on emotional intimacy

When you’re in a committed relationship, everything that happens in the bedroom is connected to everything that happens in every other part of life. If your emotional connection is suffering, that’s going to take a toll on your sex life. If you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, it’s a good idea to zoom out and look at your relationship in general. Do you feel loved outside of the bedroom? Do you trust each other? Are you able to be fully yourself with one another? Do you have any unresolved resentment?

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple playing jenga in the jacuzzi

Working through any of these issues and cultivating an emotional enjoyment of one another is going to boost your ability to connect physically. That’s why learning how to spice things up in the bedroom actually starts way before you get there. For some great ideas on how to connect and have fun with your partner, check out the Couples Edition of our Adventure Challenge!

#7 - Build anticipation

One of the best ways to turn up the heat in a relationship is to build anticipation. So, when you’re figuring out how to spice things up in the bedroom, experiment with different ways to raise the tension through the week.

Though spontaneity is fun, sometimes it’s actually planning that can help you recapture the spark. Some people will even send their partner Google invites for sex! This might not be your style, but it does work really well to build the anticipation levels as you go through your day.

How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom: Couple in bed room - wife in arms of husband kissing

Or you could just keep it simple: agree on a plan for the evening in advance and incorporate some fun details - then you have a whole day to look forward to it. Text your partner throughout the day about how excited you are for your evening with them, or leave them notes. By the time you finally get alone together, the energy and passion will be undeniable.

Learning how to spice things up in the bedroom

We hope this list of tips has given you some concrete ideas and steps to take as you work towards the kind of sex life you and your partner want! Like any other part of a relationship, this takes intentionality and work to make it amazing - but it’s totally doable. If you’re looking for more ideas for how to invest in your relationship and have fun while doing it, check out The Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition for 50 out of the box date ideas!

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Boyfriend kissing her girlfriend on the neck as she smiles while lying down in bed; image overlaid with text that reads How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom
Couple sharing laughs while they try to spice things up in the bedroom; image overlaid with text that reads How To Spice Things Up In The Bedroom

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