Have you ever looked up from all the busyness of life, caught sight of your partner, and wondered where the spark had gone? That sense of closeness, of connection and teamwork, comes easily at the beginning of a relationship, but as the years roll on, it can be so easy to lose under everything you’re juggling. If you’re wondering how to bring intimacy back into a relationship, you’re not alone.
There are so many resources out there to help you reconnect with your partner, from date ideas to couples’ challenges to counselling. In this article, we’re going to look at some keys to rediscovering your connection as you explore how to bring intimacy back into a relationship.
How to Bring Intimacy Back Into a Relationship
Every relationship is different and is going to need different things to rejuvenate it, but these are a few universal keys that will help you get back onto the right track.
#1 - Acknowledge Your Longing for Connection
If you’re looking for how to bring intimacy back into a relationship, the first step is to express that this is what you want. Just this first step of acknowledging that connection is a common goal that you both desire is going to bring the two of you closer together.
Now, when you do this, it’s important to be very intentional about the way you express yourself. You might think you’ve already been communicating that you want a better connection with your partner, but if you’ve framed this desire in terms of criticism or complaints (“You’re always on your phone these days,” “We never go on dates anymore”) then your partner is going to find it way easier to get defensive than to respond to what you’re really trying to say. Instead, focus on the best parts of your relationship and how much you’d love to share that again. You could bring up good memories from earlier days as an example for how you’d like to feel now. (“Remember that time we went stargazing and ended up falling asleep in the bed of the truck? I’d love to be spontaneous like that with you again.”)
#2 - Look to the future, not the past
Don’t focus on assigning blame for how things are today. The truth is that life can snowball so quickly that a sense of disconnection or boredom in your relationship probably has more than one cause before you even realize it. Trying to decide whose fault it is - or calling out behaviors that annoy you - isn’t a great first step in how to bring intimacy back into a relationship. Instead of sifting through the past, be brave enough to talk about your hopes for the future - a partnership that’s full of tenderness and fun once again.
#3 - Make Time to Do Nothing Together
Every year of your relationship comes with a new set of responsibilities and opportunities - mostly, all good things! But, as you know, busyness can pile up until all you and your partner talk about are the nuts and bolts of life. Schedules, chores, and family concerns can choke out the intimacy in your relationship. It might not even be that you don’t spend time together - it’s just that all the time you spend is either full of mindless distraction or the productivity of getting things done.
That’s why a great step in how to bring intimacy back into a relationship is to carve out time without an agenda. Give yourself space to just be - with no errands or distractions. If you need to, put a ban on talking about the kids (shh, we won’t tell anyone!) The goal here is to get rid of the busyness that keeps you on the surface - if you’re going to connect on a deeper level, you need the time and space to enjoy each other’s company and to get beyond the day-to-day topics that keep you in your rut.
#4 - Get a Change of Scene
You’d be surprised about how much getting out of your normal routines and environments helps with how to bring intimacy back into a relationship. If you’ve gotten into a pattern of superficial relating, that’s a habit that is going to be reinforced by the familiarity of your surroundings. You’ve probably seen how your patterns, conversations, and sex life can start to repeat itself over and over again.
A key element of how to bring intimacy back into a relationship is to break out of this auto-pilot mode, and a great way to do that is to do or go somewhere new. It doesn’t have to be a big vacation to a different country - though that couldn’t hurt - as long as you are both experiencing something new together.
#5 - Allow Yourself to Be Fully Known
Intimacy only happens when you are fully seen and known for who you are - and when you see and know in return. As you are exploring how to bring intimacy back into a relationship, start to think about what areas you perhaps don’t feel known by your partner. Is there a part of yourself you’ve ignored or shut down in this relationship? A dream, a fear, a desire? Is this an opportunity to share it with your partner?
#6 - Cultivate curiosity
On the other hand, you might feel like you’ve found out all there is to know about them! But the truth is that humans are dynamic, always changing and growing, and the person you’re with today isn’t exactly the same as they were two years or even six months ago. Begin to cultivate curiosity about them, and then ask questions. Even if the answers you get aren’t all that surprising, the act of asking questions and showing interest is going to help your partner feel loved.
Final Thoughts on How to Bring Intimacy Back Into a Relationship
As you’re exploring how to bring intimacy back into a relationship, we’re rooting for you! Some super simple things can breathe new life into your dynamic - it’s worth fighting for. There is nothing better than the connections you have with your loved ones. That’s why our business revolves around ways to bring people together!
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