How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021

Many couples reach a point in their lives together where they’re looking to recapture some of the passion they felt in earlier days. Let’s face it, over time, old habits can take over from creativity and familiarity trumps excitement. But the good news is that it doesn’t have to stay that way! If you feel stuck in a familiar rut and you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, there are so many things you can do to get that spark back!

6 tips for how to spice things up in the bedroom

These are six steps to help you explore how to spice things up in the bedroom and discover fresh passion. 

  1. Talk about it
  2. Brainstorm a bucket list
  3. Get out of the bedroom
  4. Mix up initiation
  5. Work on emotional intimacy
  6. Build anticipation

Okay, let’s dive in!

#1 - Talk about it

If you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, the first thing to do is talk to your partner about it! This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised by how many people bottle up their desires or concerns about their sex life instead of being honest.

How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021. Couple laughing as they chat casually int the kitchen as the girl prepares a meal on the counter.

When you approach this topic, make sure you emphasize that you’re still attracted to your partner, you love sleeping with them, and no one is doing anything wrong. The last thing you want is to ignite some insecurity! Instead, frame the conversation about how to spice things up in the bedroom as a fun challenge for both of you to explore together. 

#2 - Brainstorm a bucket list

A great starting point in how to spice things up in the bedroom is to write a bedroom ‘bucket list’ with your partner. At the beginning of a relationship, all of the excitement of being together usually means that new ideas and spontaneous passion flow easily. However, the longer that you’re together, the easier it can be to get into a rut.

One way to break out of this is to think about things you haven’t tried yet that might intrigue you both, and to brainstorm these into a list. If you think this might be boring or awkward, think again! Talking about the experiences you’d like to have together (or ones you’d like to repeat!) not only will help you spice things up in the bedroom going forward, but could end up being a great way to get into the mood then and there.

#3 - Get out of the bedroom 

A tried-and-true idea for how to spice things up in the bedroom is to get out of it!

How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021. Boyfriend carries girlfriend in his arms as they stand in the middle of the kitchen.

Switching up the environment is going to help you get out of your routines and into a more experimental frame of mind. Whether that’s booking a hotel, a different space in your home, or somewhere else entirely, talk to your partner about new environments to explore intimacy together.

#4 - Mix up initiation

You probably have a pretty established dynamic when it comes to intimacy with your partner; the same whens, wheres, and whats. Many couples find that in their dynamic, someone tends to be more of an initiator and the other is more often a responder. This can work really well, but if it never changes then it can make the initiator start to question their partner’s desire for them, and the responder can end up losing touch with their own wants, needs, and ideas.

How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021. Girlfriend feeds grapes to boyfriend as they have an outdoor picnic.

If this sounds familiar, or if one of you is always initiating and your interactions follow a predictable pattern, discuss how you can mix this up when you’re talking about how to spice things up in the bedroom. Let someone else take the lead, and if you normally wait for your partner to have an idea or make the first move, make an effort to turn that around and surprise them!

#5 - Work on emotional intimacy

When you’re in a committed relationship, everything that happens in the bedroom is connected to everything that happens in every other part of life. If your emotional connection is suffering, that’s going to take a toll on your sex life. If you’re wondering how to spice things up in the bedroom, it’s a good idea to zoom out and look at your relationship in general. Do you feel loved outside of the bedroom? Do you trust each other? Are you able to be fully yourself with one another? Do you have any unresolved resentment?

How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021. Couple looking at each other as they snuggle in bed.

Working through any of these issues and cultivating an emotional enjoyment of one another is going to boost your ability to connect physically. That’s why learning how to spice things up in the bedroom actually starts way before you get there. For some great ideas on how to connect and have fun with your partner, check out the Couples Edition of our Adventure Challenge!

#6 - Build anticipation

One of the best ways to turn up the heat in a relationship is to build anticipation. So, when you’re figuring out how to spice things up in the bedroom, experiment with different ways to raise the tension through the week. Though spontaneity is fun, sometimes it’s actually planning that can help you recapture the spark.

How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom in 2021. Girlfriend sits on boyfriend's lap as she faces him and holds a wine glass in her free hand.

Agree on a plan for the evening in advance and incorporate some fun details. Then you have a whole day to look forward to it. Text your partner throughout the day about how excited you are for your evening with them, or leave them notes. By the time you finally get alone together, the energy and passion will be undeniable.

Learning how to spice things up in the bedroom

We hope this list of tips has given you some concrete ideas and steps to take as you work towards the kind of sex life you and your partner want! Like any other part of a relationship, this takes intentionality and work to make it amazing, but it’s totally doable. If you’re looking for more ideas for how to invest in your relationship and have fun while doing it, check out The Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition for 50 out of the box date ideas!

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Girlfriend sitting on boyfriend's lap while facing him and holding a wine glass in her free hands; image overlaid with text that reads How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom
Couple sharing a spaghetti in front of the fireplace; image overlaid with text that reads How to Spice Things Up in The Bedroom

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