Why Conversation Starters and Questions Are Fun and Important
Conversation starters are such useful tools for connection. When you’re married, it’s easy to have the same conversations - whether that’s conflict or simply comfort - over and over again. If you’ve ever felt the pull towards deep and vibrant conversations, but haven’t been sure how to get back into that place, a list of prompts is a helpful way to kickstart your meaningful conversations.
That’s why we’ve devised 92 of the best conversation starters for married couples!
How to Use This List of Questions and Conversation Starters for Married Couples Questions
You can use these conversation starters however you want to - but we have a few suggestions. We’ve put together a bunch of amazing questions for married couples to ask one another - questions designed to spur conversation and get you beyond your normal topics.
‘General Questions’ and ‘Silly Questions’ are a bit lighter in tone, so we’d suggest scrolling to those sections first to find a question that you’re curious about. Take your time answering - the point isn’t to get through as many as possible, but rather to follow the conversation wherever it leads. When you feel like you’ve satisfied the topic, or you reach a natural lull in the chat, then swap turns. Now it’s your partner’s chance to pick a question to ask you.
We’d suggest that you each get to choose from the same category, but feel free to jump around! There are some thought-provoking questions here - deep conversation starters to crack open conversations that you might have been avoiding, or topics you’ve never even thought about. If you’re up for it, this date night could be one of the most meaningful ones you’ve had in a long time!
General Questions for Great Conversations
- What’s one random thing or event that you saw or witnessed recently that made you think of me?
- What does your ideal weekend look like?
- If there’s one thing that you could have natural talent in, what would it be and why?
- If you had to pick one archenemy in your life, who would it be?
- Do I have any silly or odd quirks?
- What’s the worst thing that you’ve done as a child that you got away with unpunished?
- What are some things you miss about being single?
- What’s something you used to hate that now you think is cool?
- What’s your most outrageous purchase - $1000 or more?
- If there’s one lesson you could pass on to the next generation, what would it be?
- If time travel existed, when and where would you like to visit first?
- When or where do you feel the most “you”?
- Have you ever liked something before the trend caught on?
- Is there anything that used to be lame that now everybody loves?
- With unlimited money and all the opportunity, which passion would you pursue?
- What’s the most common misconception from people who don’t know you well?
- Between your own definition of romance and affection, which would you choose if you had to live with just one of these for the rest of your life?
- Aside from our kids, which of your achievements are you most proud of?
Questions to Help You Connect
Take a look at these conversation starters for married couples when you want to have a meaningful conversation that draws on all your communication skills to really help you connect.
- When did you feel most loved by me?
- What personality traits do you think I most admire about you?
- What personality traits do you admire most about me?
- What's your favorite thing about married life so far?
- Name three things that make you proud of me.
- What do you think I most appreciate about you?
- How am I like my family, and how am I different?
- What’s your favorite sexual memory with me? Want to recreate it?
- What is the pain in me that you wish could be healed?
Questions about the Future
Every marriage comes with the commitment to a shared future, and that binds you together. But sometimes in the humdrum of everyday life, we can lose sight of our goals and dreams. Sometimes assumptions about what
- What do you want our life together to look like 5 years from now? 10 years from now?
- If there’s one daily habit that you would like me to do every day that would make you 10 times happier, what would it be?
- What gives you hope for the future?
- What is a tradition from your family that you want to take into our family?
- What’s your perception of our financial goals?
- When you think about the next year, what are you most excited about?
- What is one thing in the world that looks like it’s getting better?
- If you could design a dream job for me, what would it be?
- If we scrapped our budget, where do you want to go on vacation next?
- When you look ahead, what makes you the most anxious?
- How do you define a successful relationship?
- What kind of world do you want for our kids?
- What legacy do you want to leave?
Questions about the Past
Talking and asking questions about the past is such a great way to connect with your spouse. For married couples, either you’re talking about your history together - and in that case, bonding over shared memories is going to help you feel connected - or you’ll be talking about thoughts and experiences you didn’t share, and that’s going to give you greater insight into your partner. Questions about the past make for great conversation starters.
Asking questions about the past also communicates value for your partner as a person. You’re looking beyond the kind of information that’s relevant in your everyday life, or even the future you’ll share. By diving into their memories, you’re saying that they matter to you beyond what they can give you. It’s a beautiful gift.
- How has our relationship changed since getting married?
- Who was your first celebrity crush?
- What, in your opinion, is the biggest challenge you've faced in our marriage so far and how did you overcome it?
- Tell me some of your happy childhood memories
- What is one memory you wish you could live in forever?
- Who was your favorite person when you were 15 years old?
- What book or movie made the biggest impact on you when you were young?
- What have you learned from your past relationships?
- Have you ever had any unexplainable or supernatural experiences?
- How have you changed since you were 20?
- When you remember who I was on our wedding day, how have I changed?
- Is there anything you still actively regret?
- Who was your best friend when you were 12? What about when you were 20?
- What was the best meal you have ever eaten?
- What’s been your favorite vacation?
- Is there a purchase you regret? What about one that was totally worth it?
- Which haircut of mine has been your favorite?
- How has your parents’ relationship affected our own marriage?
Questions about the Present
These questions are some of the most heavy-hitting on our list. If you’re starting on this section and you want to ease your way into deep conversations, you might want to start with a question from another section on this list.
These questions urge you to take a second look at the habits and realities of your relationship right now. They’re a chance to enjoy and celebrate what you’ve built together - and a chance to be really honest about places of pain and discomfort. Answering some of these questions is going to take some bravery, but the reward is absolutely worth the risk.
- If there’s one thing that we could instantly and permanently change in our marriage, what would it be?
- If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
- Is there a couple who has a relationship that you look up to and admire? What is it about their relationship that makes you feel that way?
- Are there any friendships in my life that make you feel uncomfortable?
- What do you think is our biggest strength as a couple?
- And our biggest weakness?
- Is there anything that you feel like you can’t or don’t like talking about with me?
- Is there anything in our relationship that scares you?
- Other than me, who is the person that you tell everything to?
- Do we have a healthy relationship?
- What was one moment this past week where you felt so lucky to be where you are?
- Are there any values that you feel like you aren’t living out as much as you’d like? What are they, and why?
- Do you trust the way I handle finances?
- Have you realized anything recently?
- When you make decisions, what do you think about?
Silly Questions for Married Couples
Sometimes, on date night, you just want to lighten up the mood. Laughing together is one of the best ways to connect with your partner. We are such firm believers in the power of fun that our whole business is about helping couples and families connect through having a good time! (Check out our Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition for 50 scratch-off dates that are sure to give you an amazing time!)
All that to say - silly conversations are the best! So for these questions, really take them ‘seriously’. You might want to kick off date night with a few of these zingers and then return here towards the end of the evening as a palate cleanser from the heavy hitters.
- If I was an ice cream flavor, what flavor would I be?
- If our marriage was a movie, what genre would it be?
- What’s one movie that you’ve watched an embarrassing amount of times?
- In a fight between me and thirty deranged ducks, who wins?
- If I was a Disney villain, which one would I be?
- What is the world’s least sexy name?
- What's your most useless talent?
- If animals could talk, what animal would know the best swear words?
- What’s your go-to flirtation technique? Can you do it for me now?
- What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen a stranger do?
- Is cereal a soup?
- Looking back, was there ever a time you came across something super creepy on accident?
- If our life was a reality tv show, what would it be called?
- If you disappeared with no warning, what explanation would everyone come up with?
- Which one of our friends is most likely to survive an apocalypse?
- And how would I do?
- When am I the most cute?
- What is the weirdest thing you've ever been called, or your most ridiculous nickname?
- If our house started burning and everyone else including me, the kids, and the family pets are safe, what item would you take one last dash into the house to save?
Connecting as a Married Couple
If you’re looking for even more ways to revamp date night, you’re in the right place! Check out our Adventure Challenge: Dinner Dates book for so many ways to make a night in fun, exciting, and delicious!
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