10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover

Wondering about how to be a better lover? Here at The Adventure Challenge, we are all about helping people create even better connections. Whether that’s through incredible dinner dates or better sex, we’ve got so many resources to help you live a fuller (and more fun!) life.

No matter what stage your relationship is in, there always is room to improve and learn how to be a better lover.  For now, though, let’s dive in to 10 ways you can work on how to be a better lover!

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover

#1 - Switch Up Your Routine

When you’ve been with someone for a while, it’s easy to fall into a routine with them. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re wondering how to be a better lover, getting out of your comfort zone is a big step towards achieving that goal. No one wants to interact with a lover who’s on autopilot!

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover: Couple sharing a kiss as they sit at a movie theater.

If there are certain routines that have become automatic – the way your evenings go, who initiates what, what your date nights look like – it’s probably time to think about trying something new.

#2 - Make New Memories and Have New Experiences

Which brings us to this suggestion! One of the best ways to strengthen your emotional connection with your partner is to do something new (and fun!) together. That’s the whole premise of our book, The Adventure Challenge: Couples Edition. It’s full of 50 out-of-the-box date ideas to help you make some incredible memories.

How To Be a Better Lover: Couple sharing laughs as they throw flour at each other on kitchen counter.

For how to become a better lover, try to prioritize fresh experiences together. All of that excitement and the sense of connection that comes from sharing experiences outside the bedroom will translate inside the bedroom too. 

#3 - Shake Things Up in the Bedroom

With that said, it’s good to shake things up inside the bedroom, too. If you’re the one who usually takes the lead during sex, try swapping out with your partner. Asking to try something new can feel vulnerable, but when it comes to becoming a better lover, communication really is key. Talk with your partner about their unexplored fantasies and curiosities, and plan ahead of time to try something new.

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover: Couple smiling and leaning in for a kiss as they lie in bed with The Adventure Challenge Book beside them.

And if you’re looking for ways to kickstart some fun exploration in the bedroom, check out The Adventure Challenge …In Bed.

#4 - Slow Down and Enjoy Your Partner

Quick sex can be super fun, but if you’re hoping to improve as a lover, err on the side of slowing down. Don’t drive towards an end goal – work on enjoying just being with your partner.

How To Be a Better Lover: Couple lounging around outdoors in front of bonfire.

Becoming more aware of what you’re doing and what you’re enjoying in the moment, without feeling a rush to move on, is going to make you more responsive to your partner – and better able to read their responses, too.

#5 - Try Out New Positions

You can’t talk about how to be a better lover without mentioning this one. You probably have the positions you enjoy and that you feel confident using, but growth doesn’t happen in the comfort zone!

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover: Couple sharing laughs with each other as they sit on the back of a car.

Trying out new positions is a great way to increase your sexual connection with your partner and build up your confident as a great lover.

#6 - Savor Each Part of Intimacy in the Bedroom

Connected sex is better sex – which means that learning how to be a better lover is all about intimacy. Let yourself really savor each part of intimacy with your partner for its own sake. Seeing them naked is a profoundly intimate thing, after all – and how often do we take even that for granted?

How To Be a Better Lover: Couple smiling as they lie in bed with The Adventure Challenge book beside them.

Let yourself enjoy and be aware of all the connection points you have, from non-sexual affection, to nudity, to making out: rediscovering the joy of these small things will imbue sex with fresh tenderness and excitement.

#7 - Be More Present

And not just in the bedroom. Of course, getting distracted during sex is a surefire turn-off, but being emotionally present to your partner throughout the day is only going to help with how to be a better lover.

One of the hallmarks of great sex is a little thing called attunement. It’s when both partners are experiencing emotional and physical awareness of the other person. This attunement lets you be much more confident and intuitive in bed, because you’re both following the cues of the other person with no doubt about what feels good.

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover: Couple smiling as they enjoy wine together in the kitchen.

But you can’t just go disconnected throughout the whole day and then expect to switch attunement on at night. Staying present with your partner, aware of them, engaged with their thoughts and feelings, will help you learn how to be a better lover. Read more about the link between sex and emotional connection for more helpful information.

#8 - Engage in Intimate Touch Throughout the Day

Increase your sense of connection – and anticipation – by laying on the affectionate physical touch. This can (and should!) fall anywhere and everywhere along the spectrum of non-sexual affection and downright teasing.

How To Be a Better Lover: Couple share a kiss next to the food they prepared on kitchen counter.

Feeding your emotional intimacy and physical connection throughout the day means that when it’s time for the bedroom, you’ll both be ready to go.

#9 - Plan Ahead

Everyone loves a moment of spontaneous passion, but planning ahead can be a huge win in your sex life. Talk about the kind of encounters you want to have and prepare accordingly.

10 Ways on How To Be a Better Lover: Couple smiling and sharing an embrace next to their dinner date table at home.

This could be as simple as a couple of minutes spent tidying your room and lighting some candles, or it could look like actually scheduling time and buying whatever you might need. The more intentionality you put in to your sex life, the more reward you’ll reap!

#10 - Communicate Clearly (and Ask Good Questions!)

At the end of the day, everyone is different and likes different things in bed. That means that the answer for how to be a better lover is really… one to ask your partner. If candid conversations about sex aren’t already a part of your relationship, now is the time! 

How To Be a Better Lover: Couple on a date and sitting together at the beach.

Communicating clearly about what you do and don’t enjoy, what you want to try, what you’d like to change, and what you love about the other person is the most important part of how to become a better lover. So don’t be afraid to ask the real questions!

Be a Better Lover

Ready to spice things up even more in your relationship? Get The Adventure Challenge …In Bed Edition with 50 scratch-off adventures for in and out of the bedroom! Save 15% off with the code: CONNECTEDSEX. 

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Couple sharing laughs and hugging during their casual date; image overlaid with text that reads 10 Ways on How To be a Better Lover
Couple laughing as they sit on back of the car; image overlaid with text that reads 10 Ways on How to be a Better Lover

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